My Little Dancer

I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes.  My chest was full, and I was holding in emotion that felt like it would explode like a rocket volcano, waling to wake everyone in the house!  I laid there thinking about the dream I just had.  It was about my Aubrey.  She had been taken away from me because my home wasn't a suitable and stable environment, and so she was placed with other relatives to be raised by them.  

I was talking and reminiscing with someone about what she looked like... her beautiful auburn hair... and the person shattered my memory of her by saying, "oh no, it's more like pink now".... meaning she had grown up and it had lightened.  I felt like I had been robbed of so many of her growing up years at that moment, and the feelings of jealousy, rage and sadness set like a lead weight in my heart.

Then I was at a performance of some kind and Aub was the star of the show.  It involved a large box and two other people who had her dance her way into the box, then they flipped the it over, as though it was some magic trick, and they weren't gentle so she was tousled around in the box before it magically opened on the other side and Aub popped out with her arms high in the air as if to say  Ta-da!  Her little giggly personality and kind of flippant movements reminded me of how she was as a little girl.  I hadn't seen her in a very very long time and my heart ached with both joy and sadness. It was at that point I started to cry and kind of woke up. 

It was also at that point that I took an initiative and said both to her but more to the world and the people who took her from me that I would never allow this to happen again, and NO ONE would ever be able to have that kind of control over my daughter or take her away ever again!

Boy it made me miss her little girlhood.  It brought back memories of her joyous and loving little sweet personality full of giggles and wonder that I thought I'd forgotten.  It let me see the little girl side of my Aub that I will always cherish.  

She is now a mommy herself and has a little girl (and boy) that are the light of her world (and mine).  The joy that comes from kids is something that I am so very glad to say I've experienced in my life.  I know I am a blessed woman to have born and raised three of the most wonderful people in the world.  And the blessings keep coming. 

The dream can be interpreted in several ways, but I really think it just shows how much I love and miss her, and how much I really enjoyed her as a child.  I continue to enjoy her now.

I love you so much Aub.......mom.