Today, my oldest daughter and her hubby and two kids made the five hour trek to Detroit Michigan to meet with her surgeon, and have ear surgery this Wednesday! I'm pretty sick about it but haven't let her know it because I didn't want to scare her.  

She won't have Internet access for the next five days, so I can vent a little and not be too self conscious about her reading it.

Ever since she was less than a year old, this poor girl has battled ear problems.  She had recurrent ear infections and as a result, surgery to her little ear drums, twice per ear, and still suffered a hearing loss of 30-40% in her left ear.  

Consequently while holding the phone to her right ear she can hear nothing her husband says to her, or her daughter getting into the toilet or other such mischief of a two year old.

High pitched sounds are near to inaudible so her baby crying (while on the phone) or the door bell can pose a problem.  For these reasons I am glad she is seeing to getting it taken care of, however, I've been with her through most of the other surgeries, helped care for her post-op making her comfy, meeting with the docs before and after surgery etc. (surgeon and anesthesiologist).   I'm not there this time and it really makes me feel quite helpless.  

Not that my speaking to the doctor before, easing my fears, asking questions helped him perform his surgery any better than his ability would allow.  Still, somehow, it made me feel like I had an element of control or involvement. 

Not this time.

I'm scared.  I'm scared things will go wrong.  I'm scared of total hearing loss. 

She's scared of the anesthesia, something that I don't worry all that much about because I know they can reverse narcotic anesthesia if needed, or if she is not doing well.  But once you go cutting into the eardrum (of which has already been surgically cut into twice before), just how much can you fix?  Plus, she says they will need to shave down the bone inside the ear canal to allow for more room since hers is too narrow for surgery! 

Needless to say I'm nervous.  

I need to be positive.  Pray she will recover beautifully and regain her lost hearing.

I pray with all my heart everything goes well.

They meet with the surgeon tomorrow, and the surgery is set for Wednesday.  She'll recover on Thursday and then make the trek back to St Ignace on Friday!  

My prayers, thoughts, hopes and love will be with my own little girl today and throughout her recovery.

I love you Aub.  Mom