Losing stuff

I keep a running journal of my exercise, how I feel, how many push ups I do, how long my aerobics portion of the workout is etc. and was stupid enough to take my little book with me on my jaunts to the store. I wrote out my needed items from the store and the weeks menu in the pages of my little workout journal and now I can't find it. I'm in a contest at work to see who works out the most. I feel I'm a slacker because I can't give my last 4 weeks workout results due to the loss of my journal. I can't seem to think of anything else except finding it.

Aub is struggling with locating her cell phone. Little Clara carted it off leaving it alone to die, unable to sound an alarm as to it's whereabouts. Now I can't contact Aub except when Nate is home.

Nathan (my Nathan) has this uncanny problem with losing his keys, his measuring tape, his cell phone, his wallet. In fact, his father made comment about how funny it is that Nate will go and go and go fixing things or building things, but his worst problems is relocating his tools from the last time he set them down.

I use prayer alot to relocate things and believe it or not, most the time I find them. So I ask, why is it that god can help me find my keys, or my wallet, but I don't seem to get the needed answers for the things I feel are REALLY important. (Not that finding my keys isn't important, but it won't SAVE MY SOUL). I pray for my son all the time. I pray he will become more respectful, and start valueing his lungs and health. Then I start to wonder how god would answer this. Would it be by Whit having a real bad pneumonia, or losing a parent? I don't want those things to happen either. So I don't know how this prayer would be answered. I tend to wonder if I would like the actual way god would bring about this request.

God did answer a very important prayer, and Aub and Nate now have a new car. What a relief. It's so hard to hear about your childrens struggles and not be able to help them because they are too far away to lend a hand. What a feeling of frustration. Like a mother wolf looking at her pup with it's foot stuck in a trap, unable to help it. That's how I felt with when Aub and Nate had the issue with the car. So this very important prayer was answered.

Why does it seem these hangups in life take so much more time to answer than something that is as simple as relocating your keys or wallet?

Who knows?

Another One Flys the Coup

The carpet shows stains and needs to be cleaned. It's easier to see the dirt now that her dresser is gone. The sink area is devoid of make-up and hairspray. No curling irons in the drawers. Only left-over sparkles from the eye shadow I bought her a few Christmas's ago. I put some on my eyelids. It doesn't look as good on me as it does her. No pictures of Moulin Rouge or Parker cover the walls, only blank spots and holes.

I yelled at her for making a decision about moving before she included me and made her feel bad. I didn't mean to. I just wanted to be included in her life. She has always been so independent, it's been tough getting close to her sometimes. I didn't mean to discourage her independence. I am actually very proud of her and all the things she has done for herself.

She was home for a few minutes the other day and was so happy that now she may have a chance at a job closer to where she will live. I could see a sparkle in her eyes and recalled how she mentioned that my conversation about her move made her feel she was making the wrong decision, then the interview for the job in the Springs confirmed that she was going in the right direction. I congratulated her and said it must be a sign. From that point I knew she'd be gone.

I didn't think it would come this fast. Only yesterday my Winker was sucking her thumb and dancing in my checkered skirt. Didn't she just graduate from Junior High? All those beautiful dance dresses that only a month ago I moved into her closet from mine are now with her in her new home. Her new home away from home.

I knew it was coming. She was hardly ever home. I hope she doesn't stay away forever.

I love you Heather and will miss having you live with me.

Mom