Still ain't getting it

You know, when I was in Jr High School up at the Old Bingham in Copperton, I was sitting in Miss Winder's history class listening to the girls around me talking amongst themselves about who belonged to their religion and the girl in front of me turned around in astonishment and said, "Tami, you're not Mormon?" and I said "No" and she said, "Well, you're good enough to be". Her name was Liz and I sat there wondering if that was a cut or a compliment.

I've carried that saying throughout my life........"You're good enough to be"..............

I always envied the Mormon kids. They stuck together. But I felt like an outsider around them. Like they belonged to some grand clique and I wasn't one of them. I wondered what I did wrong when I wasn't included in conversation, or invited to where ever they were going. As a child they couldn't come play on Sunday. I later found out through one of myMormon nieces as I drove her home one evening that she wasn't allowed to go over to so and so's house because they "smoked". How many kids were never allowed at my home because my mom smoked? Then I began to remember high school and figuring out that my clothes must have smelled like smoke too and maybe they thought that I smoked.

Mormon kids all seemed to be able to play the piano. I envied that. They didn't cuss, or make out, or do drugs. Well, most of them. They had their own set of rules. So did the Seventh Day Adventists. When I was in about 3rd grade I had a friend who was Seventh Day Adventist. They didn't eat meat. I went to church with her once. I also attended church with my friend Jenny when I lived in California. She belonged to some Christian sect, I don't think it was 1st Christian or Southern Baptist, but it was a good Christian sect. I went with her several times. They had to travel quite a distance to get to their church and I found it funny that in between classes the adults drank coffee outside, steam coming up from their cups in the cold California winter air. I had a cup as well and thought it odd that these people drank coffee at their place of worship. Mormons DO NOT drink coffee. It is regarded as pretty close to a sin and you can be kept out of the temple for such an offense.
Mind you, you can weigh 300 pounds, have all kinds of heart and other health issues, but if you don't drink coffee..............you're A-ok to be in their temple.

My mother claimed to be Christian. She would quote her mother....."You don't have to go to church to believe in God". She wore a crucifix around her neck for years and I envied my niece who inheritied it as I haven't truly inherited anything that my mother wore on a constant basis. I even have many pictures of her with it on. She never really spoke too much about her beliefs, or even if she prayed. My father, on the other hand, had very definite views on religion and on Christianity. He is what you would call and "agnostic", sometimes even going as far as to call himself "athiest". But I've watched him through the years soften just a little as we have lost first Jamie, my great niece, to SIDS. And then my older sis Deb. Dad rents cars and uniforms for the movies and he rented police cars to "Touched by an Angel" many many times. He has appeared as a character in several of their shows as well and has read "Conversations With God" and has recommended it to me. That one really blew me away.

I always wanted to belong to some religion. I didn't like to answer "nothing" when people would ask me what religion I belonged to. Nathan was the first and only Mormon that answered "I don't know" when I asked if he believed the church was "true". This is the saying you will hear out of the mouth of every Mormon even if they have never been to any other church. To me that's like saying "Carrots are the very best vegetable in the world". If carrots are the only vegetable you've ever eaten, how can you make that claim? Well, I'll tell you. If you are honest and say that you really don't know that the church is true, you will have at least 5-8 people come up to you after service telling you that "it is true" and then proceed to tell you how to go about gaining a "testimony of the truth". Like there is no choice in it. You will find out what everyone else knows to be true.

Wow, what do you think would happen to the Mormon boys and girls who decided to go with a friend to some other church and they liked it better and said to mom and dad...... "I like their church better and want to go with them all the time!" I'll tell you.... all hell would break loose. My god, before you know it, you'll have the label "Apostate". I remember when I got my label "inactive". It was about one or two weeks of not going to church and already the bishop sent out the relief. My visiting teacher said to me.......... "you know, I specifically asked the bishop to give me someone who was inactive"................ I couldn't believe it, I was "inactive" already. The word rang through my ears and a chill went up my spine. I was "inactive". Then it kind of sank in and I thought........ well, that's not so bad. Yeah, I guess I can live with that label.

So am I an apostate or just inactive? Does it really matter? Nah. I don't believe God will keep me away from those I love because I haven't attended church or forgotten all the handshakes and words in the temple. In fact, I have the book with all the signs printed in it published before Joseph Smith deemed the signs and symbols as "of God". Written by the Masons, my book is a rare find and I got it out of a rare bookstore in West Valley. Not too cool Joe.

I don't believe marriage needs to be performed in a giant building deemed "the only true place to be married". I don't believe God would want to keep you away from the ones you love because you don't know all the right "code words and handshakes". God can't make me stay married and God can't make me stay in love. God also cannot make me want to be married to someone for eternity if I don't love them enough to stay with them now! And besides, it seems with all the "eternal" goals, I feel that the now gets less importance placed on it. I don't want to live for eternity. I want to live for now and let eternity take care of itself.

Trying to hard to fit into a group of any kind

I'm not aware of too many things,
but I know what I know if you know what I mean.
Philosophy is the talk on a cereal box.
Religion is the smile on a dog.
I'm not aware of too many things,
but I know what I know if you know what I mean.
Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep.
What I am is what I am.Are you what you are - or what?
I'm not aware of too many things,
but I know what I know if you know what I mean.
Philosophy is a walk on the slippery rocks.
Religion is a light in the fog.
I'm not aware of too many things,but I know what I know if you know what I mean.
Choke me in the shallow water before I get too deep.
What I am is what I am.Are you what you are - or what?
Don't let me get too deep. Edie Brickell

Paper Bag

Fiona Apple packs a punch

Another quote

I quickly jotted down this quote I heard on the Movie, Akeelah and the Bee:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination.
It is our light more than our darkness which scares us.
We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous
But honestly, who are you to not be so?
You are a child of God, small games do not work in the world.
For those around us to feel peace, it is not example to make ourselves small.
We were born to express the glory of God that lives in us.
It is not in some of us, it is in all of us.
While we allow our light to shine,
We unconsciously give permission for others to do the same
When we liberate ourselves from our own fears
Simply our presence may liberate others
~Marianne Williamson~

Just somewhere to put this

"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" ~William Shakespeare~

I like this statement..... I had it on my myspace and decided to change it but didn't want to lose
this quote. Great place to store it.

Will is right.